For good.

I’ve decided to turn straight edge, for real.
There are many reasons behind this decision.
But after watching Parkway Drive’s dvd, it kinda made me actually go forward with the decision haha. But yeah, I wanna live for some real fun and adventure :)
yay.

I seriously cannot believe you’re gone. I wish you were here; I could do with a friend and person like you in my life again. You were such a wonderful person, really wonderful. It’s a shame to think back to when I knew you and one memory is of one when bonnie stood you up and you got the worst sunburn ever, grr. But one was also when you kept giving me cuddles haha you were such a lovely person, so animated and bubbly and soo musical, I loved it.

I regret not finding the chance to get to know you better.
I hope you are well, wherever you are…

There's an ugly side to everyone.

SKATEBOARD THERAPY

i am lonely but never alone.

For Quinton

These are my answer to your questions:

1. Did you ever really like me the way i like you?
No. but that isn’t to take away from the fact that I did once like you and have feelings for you. But they faded.

2. were you ever really willing to give it a chance?
Yes, but who I really am can’t just try change myself. I was willing to give the 'gender I don’t go for' a chance. But do you realise how scary and hard that is? (not in the sense of scary that you think). Because think about it.. A straight person is happy to be with a guy, happy to sleep with them. But a gay girl wouldn’t want that guy touching them, and theyd call it rape if they didn’t want sex with them but tried. you know? i don't know..that’s what it wouldv felt like for me.
I cant force myself to do something I’m not into it.

3. how you do really feel about me now?
You’re my friend, a really good friend. That’s all.
Don’t push it or you’ll lose me...

You can’t just wait on me to turn around
Because you’ll be waiting forever.
I’m a lesbian.
That’s it.
You’re my friend, and that won’t change
You have to accept it, just like I have.

i love you pal

All you need is love, pass it on :)

sometimes we have to get lost to really find ourselves

seek adventure.

i can't believe a word you say to me now

and i don't think you really give a crap.

“A man can change his stars.

And I won’t spend the rest of my life as nothing.”

- William Thatcher, A knight’s tale.

No one person can own the copyright to what God means.

– Marilyn Manson

drawing
guitar lessons
assessments
catching up with friends
skating
reading
zines
zines
zines
skating
skating
guitar playing
assessments
nintendo :P
i've actually been too busy to blog
i kinda have a life now. maybe?
ha. dandy.

Playgrounds at night,
Cigarettes in the cold,
Sparklers anytime.

We fall, we all fall.

things can be good.

you already are..

Dropkick Murphys

really really really like these guys at the moment!

Yup.

i will never love you more than the white album of the beatles.

THANK GOD FOR SKATEBOARDING.

I am revenant – The Distillers

Another year has passed and I'm alright
I lick the salt from my wounds and run into the night
Well it's unknown
Why collusion goes on
It rapes like betrayal
And I am rotting in the squalor of some

Do you remember the rage?
I remember the hate
I remember that it rained for years
And the blood had left a stain
hey!

You say I got karma to collect
I dig my grave
And I'm here waiting for some kind of check
And if I get one, I'll hold my breath
I rack my spine
It takes a year for you to warrant a test
As the years go by I won't cry
It's the year you walked into my life
I will despise

We are the revenants
Whoa, we will rise up from the dead
We become the living
We've come back to reclaim our stolen breath

Another year has passed and I'm alright
I lick the salt from my wounds and run into the night
Run into the night
Run into the night
Run into the night
Run into the night

i need to give myself to grow up
grow up from what?
being a child?
being a kid?
mm na
as in learning
before anything
i need to learn
to grow up in certain areas
yep.
i need to learn
to grow up
mhm...

don't
be
silly.

you can change.

Tyler Durden: Fuck damnation, man! Fuck redemption!
We are God's unwanted children? So be it!

Narrator: OK. Give me some water!

Tyler Durden: Listen, you can run water over your hand and make it worse or...

[shouts]

Tyler Durden: look at me... or you can use vinegar and neutralize the burn.

Narrator: Please let me have it... *Please*!

Tyler Durden: First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear...
*know*... that someday you're gonna die.

[while burning the Narrator's hand with lye]

Tyler Durden: Shut up! Our fathers were our models for God.
If our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about God?

Narrator: No, no, I... don't...

Tyler Durden: Listen to me! You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you. He never wanted you. In all probability, he hates you.
This is not the worst thing that can happen.

Narrator: It isn't?

Tyler Durden: We don't need him!

Narrator: *squirms* We don't - we don't - !

Tyler Durden: This is a chemical burn.
It will hurt more than you've ever been burned before.
You will have a scar.


- fight club

The real raw Story

This is a re blog of something I posted a few months ago.
Not only a re blog, but the reason it is a re blog is because the first post was not true and a pack of lies.
I could excuse it and say I didn’t mean those things and I was just real angry and upset when I said the things I said. Which is partially true. But no. it portrayed someone in the wrong way and described them as someone that really they are not.

So I am re blogging the real story,
Of past events that occurred.
The truth.
What I’ve done,
What others have done,
And hope that all will be amended.
Maybe. Hopefully. At least partially, as much as I can.
No matter what the outcome…

In 2008 a girl named Rylee and I went out and were together, firmly for around 2 months. During those two months we were together, to say a lot happened would be an understatement.

I took you for granted Rylee. I didn’t love you the way I wish I did. I didn’t always want to be with you when I was. God and church can’t excuse any of it; I treated you unfairly and wasn’t always upfront about how I felt. I should’ve had the guts to stand up for what I truly wanted at the time. But because I didn’t, I lost you. But because of my own foolishness and stupidity I lost you for good…
One night you, bonnie and I hung out by a creek in Gisborne and smoked shisha.
Bonnie was on the phone to Sam half the time.
But then I wanted to speak to bonnie about my re-occurring feelings for her. When I think about it now I have no idea why I really needed to talk to her. You didn’t feel right about it, but you trusted me that much anyway and let me go away to talk to her. And that’s how it happened. We kissed. While you sat 10 meters away freezing your butt off. Then that night…I slept with you, without even mentioning what had happened earlier. I didn’t even tell you what had happened, until a few days later you found out through someone else. But believe me when I say I was going to tell you, I just found it so incredibly hard to say it. I wouldn’t even forgive myself…

But now…Bonnie...
You cheated on Sam
You lied.
You schemed to bash or kill rylee and Sam and did so at that party late 2008.
Evil things you have done,
Incredibly mean things, like posting up those photos of Sam on myspace,
Spread lies about people you supposedly love, or loved.
And in a previous post I went off at rylee for sleeping with some guy when we were fighting because bonnie told me that happened.
BUT:
1. Rylee and I didn’t have a fight
2. Rylee didn’t sleep with some guy
3. Bonnie is an evil bitch.
4. All that was not true at all.

Bonnie had this theory in her head that Rylee had gotten with Sam before her and Sam had even broken up. But that’s not true. What really happened was, Bonnie and Sam broke up. And it was only then that rylee started to let herself think that, “yeah, I’d like to have a girlfriend like that”. And it was only after they had broken up and things had settled that Rylee and Sam got together. That’s the truth.

You told someone you slept with Rylee to get back at Sam and that you slept with me to get back at Rylee. NOT TRUE AT ALL. So that’s all last year was. I’m not saying Bonnie and I slept together, but last year Rylee asked me if Bonnie and I were back together. I said no and I asked if Bonnie knew anything about it and she just got pissed off and said, “That’s it, we’re together.” I knew it didn’t feel right. I’m not saying we slept together, because we didn’t. But we did talk and kiss and she acted like the victim, when really she’s victimized everybody else.
Some friend you are Bonnie. Rylee has informed me of the things you have said about me behind my back that I have been totally unaware of. It’s making me think twice about you. You’re so two-faced. I can’t believe how blind I was to it all.


Whoever reads this, I want you to know that Rylee did nothing wrong whatsoever. At all. She’s a good person and never did any wrong by Bonnie, Sam or me. I did wrong by Rylee by not being honest with her. Bonnie did wrong by spreading stupid lies about all of us.

Rylee,
I’m sorry I didn’t love you the way you loved me back then
I’m sorry I broke your heart
I’m sorry I broke your trust
I’m sorry for cheating on you
I’m sorry for the things I said in the previous post about all this
I’m sorry I got it all wrong
I’m sorry for believing Bonnie over you
I’m just really sorry.

And Sam,
I’m sorry for hurting you in any way because I know I must have.
I’m sorry for kissing Bonnie when you were both together.
I’m sorry for everything.

And I’m damn glad you and Rylee are very happy now.

So that’s it. That’s the real story about this matter. The truth.

The end.


And by the way Rylee,
If it means anything from me…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)

looking up, looking up.

everything's gonna be fine

i fly like paper, get high like planes...

crying is a kind of thinking...?

no one hangs around forever.

i stuff everything up.

you said,
"yeah you stuffed up, but doesnt mean you can become better."

mmm..

will i ever get better?

I reckon itd be cool to be an actor.
To be a many different characters and beings
Yet yourself at the end of the day
I wish sometimes I wanted to be one, an actor…

Reign On Me

Isnt it what we all do a lot…press the music against our ears just to block out the pain…?

Only love can make it rain
The way the beach is kissed by the sea
Only love can make it rain
Like the sweat of lovers' laying in the fields

Love, Reign o'er me
Love, Reign o'er me,

rain on me, reign o'er me

Only love can bring the rain
That makes you yearn to the sky
Only love can bring the rain
That falls like tears from on high

Love, reign o'er me, rain on me
Love, reign o'er me, rain on me, reign o'er me

On the dry and dusty road
The nights we spend apart alone
I need to get back home to cool cool rain

I can't sleep and I lay and I think
The nights are hot and black as ink
Oh God, I need a drink of cool cool rain

Love, reign o'er me, rain on me
Oh love, reign o'er me, reign on me

Sticky
VIRGO AUG 24TH - SEP 23RD:

"You have a chance to catch up on any backlog of old photocopying and zine collation and to get your life in order. From midmonth the New Moon is excellent for going to sydney for the mca fair, and for starting legal claims when you sprain your wrist at said zine fair. Uranus moves into your joint financial zone at the end of the month which may inspire you to think up ways to become mega-rich. Sadly it doesn't involve sprained wrist damages claims. Your love life will become very dynamic and may need it's own 'swoosh' logo."

lol what the ?

water keyboard

i'm getting what i deserve.

ok mum

you've been away but you still manage to know i haven't been taking my medication.
dandy.
it's been four days since i last took them.

okay, i will try take them tonight.
oh god tonight..rylee. sigghhh love the drama.
grrr go awayyyyyyy

Everyone’s fine but me.
I don’t care about anyone
Or listen or notice
Or just. Care. At. All.
Apparently anyway.
Greeeeeaaaaaaaatttttttt.
Sorry for being such a cunt everyone.

......and i'm dying my hair again
fuuuhahahahahaha interesting
eh, i'm fine i'm fine.
the sentence crazy people love using.
like the guy on patch adams who murdered that girl then killed himself
or on elizabethtown when he's telling everyone he's fine when clearly everyone knew he wasnt
and he went home to kill himself
but even that was a fail.





i ramble alot. it bugs me.

No one bothers to break down the walls
I wanna stop caring about that though
I’m not worth it
I’m convinced everyone’s fine without me




So oh well.

i wish i could

i'm sorry.

would you trade me.
for more of yourself.
when it's silent.
try not to give too much.
so you won't grow tired.
and i knew you.
the good and the bad.
the days i recall being wonderful.
and i lost you.
because i held it back.
please tell me that everything will work out fine.
pictures taken fast.
the proof that i've known you.
in albums stuck to bleach.
but memories they'll keep.
if this is the last dance.
then may i have it

This drama wears me down
I don’t wanna get used to the crap that goes on in my life
I was once told that I wasn’t supposed to
But eh, times were different then
I just wanna know how to deal with it
To cuddle wilson and have things seem okay