happy birthday mother

I’m shaking in my non-cowboy-but-warm-socks and i dont exactly know why

maybe its because i need to get this out

maybe because i dont know how to deal with it, RIGHT NOW.

and maybe because i havent forgiven her all along

because she’s lying in her bed, incontinent and drunk beyond consciousness

and maybe this is (obviously) more than an alcoholic issue

maybe its our lives and it hurts

and maybe its because its her birthday and she’s lying there and i’m sitting here

waiting for a takeaway dinner

life can be so dull sometimes, like right now.

I honestly never thought I would feel like this again...how silly of me.

It hurts to grow up

everybody dies alone

Things always get better

...they really do.

then they get worse again.

but i like to think silver linings will always exist.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments