laugh until your brain pops through your eyes

I fucking hate the person I’ve become
Fuckup after fuckup after fuckup after fuckup
I hate this person I am
I’m nothing.
I didn’t feel anything when you said yes,
I was just so fucking scared of losing you.
People do crazy (stupid) things when they’re in love (or simply like someone a whole damn lot), or are trapped.
I guess that was me… I fucked up, and I can’t forgive myself.
I don’t deserve anyone. Anything.
I just screw up things with the ones I love dearly everytime.
Why? Why the fuck, why?
I’m fucked.
You really think I’m that low, that I would lie to your face, just to get in your pants?
Fuck me clare, no. no no no. please believe that, if anything at all.
I apologise for fucking up 2 months and 28 days of your life.
I really, really am.
maybe break me?
mm it did. but what can you do, it actually is fine.
and life does suck, at times.

no. ill be blunt
i guess i did lead her on
but was it my intention? not at all.
not even a little.
and i won't use my mental/emotional problems to excuse any of it,
but it was definitely a major contribution to that night happening.
definitely.
that whole night all i thought of was you,
then bec's msg came through,
just made everything so much worse.

and i didn't rebound
i didn't rebound at all
i've never rebounded.

i don't intend to either

but yeah

don't believe me if you want though

but i want things to be good between us.

i really do

i hate fucking up relationships

but that seems to be the situation i get myself into time and time again

over and over

and i fucking hate myself for that

i fucking hate it so much