Graduation

So Today, I will be graduating from the Planetshakers internship program of 2009.
wowee. i made it.
seriously, this year has been crazy and insane and a many other things...
daunting at first, scared and freaked out, set free, unafraid, afraid, worried, undaunted, weary, joyful, ridiculously happy, unbelievably depressed, excited, ecstatic, loving it, hating it, tired, exhausted and worn out, oblivious, expectant, exuberant, content, complacent and commissioned, anointed and empowered, full of laughter, baffled with tears, packed with moments that moved and restrained, anger and frustration, suicide and abundant life, breaking apart from people, connecting with others, stagnate and moving forward, letting go or holding on, pulling things apart, sinking or swimming, fun times and crap times, memorable times and unforgettable times...just. ahh. so many feelings and emotions, moments and memories all been packed into one year and created over a space of 12 months. its quite an amazing experience. it is so very true. you cant fully understand internship or describe it to anyone until you've done it yourself. its fantastic.

i remember pastor Paul getting Aran to spin around ten times with a broom and then putting the broom down and trying to then jump over it and watching him end up falling backwards into a table, then pastor Ange doing it and watching her fall over with the broom
i remember instead of discipleship pastor Paul feeling to do something different. we played musical chairs :P
i remember leading worship, feeling this boldness that just possessed me as i spoke and sang
i remember the inexplainable feeling of relief and liberation as i screamed and let myself out in front of people for the first time
i remember doing the words at boom for the first time and being so nervous and frightened that i couldnt do it, being so stressed out. but now so confident in what im doing, that i can actually do something that is contributing to something so massive and significant, setting it up and running it, and even now apart of editing boom tv. its pretty cool seeing how far God takes talents. from me just being interested in some creative things, how much he has stretched that and he has actually made me more creative, truly!
i remember that being the same boom that joth first uttered the words, "Jesus i'm desperate for you..." and seeing pastor Rudy for the first time punch the air again and again, symbolising the new level of freedom that he just broke into, that then led everyone else into a whole new realm of freedom and joy
i remember the session with pastor Alex, it being one of the most memorable sessions in the whole year...
i remember the first day, having no idea what to expect, not knowing all that many people, even the people i knew i barely knew well

there are many things we see behind the scenes
the way pastors are, things others dont see
the hours they put in
them being so vulnerable and sharing there lives with us
what they do for us, how much they give
the funny things that happen around the offices that are just, funny!
man, just...i am so blessed to be apart of such a church
i am so honoured to be under such incredible leadership
i am so privileged to have spent the last 12 months with some of the most amazing people in the whole wide word. seriously, every single one of them even though i know some more than others, all of them still mean the world to me, and i love every single one of them, so much. so very much.
no other year will ever be like this. and its sad finishing, but its also exciting. im glad no year will ever be like this one, because everything just moves forward from here, everything just grows.

i graduate in 15ish hours. ha...ill be on that stage, hugging and shaking the hands of the ones who supported me, prayed for me, loved me, cared for me, did so many things for me this year, so many things for me. i will probably be trying my hardest not to break down in tears haha
its already been so emotional..our last discipleship on Wednesday before we left for wilsons prom was so emotional. pastor Russell, Sam, Angelina and Paul were all crying, not all at once, but you know, whatever, they were all touched and emotional. ha.
gosh. i love them all.

i actually loved this year.
i would do it differently if i could do it again
i would have focused more
been more diligent
prayed more
let go more
but i seriously honestly, really...i wouldnt have done it any other way
because i had to make those decisions and mistakes to now understand what God was trying to tell me and make me 'get' :)

i wanted my first year out of school to be with God
i sometimes forgot that, this year
but really, He didnt
he wanted to show me stuff
and he did it through my heart
i know why things arent like they were
because before i can do what i used to do again, and more
i had to be torn apart first
now im being rebuilt :)

yeah...its all made sense now, at the end
Now, for the beginning of the next stage!

yep...now im being rebuilt
im being rebuilt :)
renewed and restored, joyful and free
yay :)

its been a crazy and insane year
but God is still on top
and im finishing the winner!

at wilsons prom i got this picture of when a runner is at the starting line about to get ready to run, and they were holding a white flag, which symbolised surrender.
and i noticed that the person was getting ready to run, they hadnt yet begun running..
but they were ready, they were holding surrender in their hand
mm..
and it reminded me of Hebrews 12:1-2
how we strip of every weight and sin that easily entangles
and tp press on with endurance the race that God has set before us

i will. we will win. we are all winners.
ill keep running
i will continue
i will surrender

i will,
with Jesus, the Lover of my soul
who will never let me go
right there next to me,
behind me,
in front of me,
in me,
above me,
below me,
around me,
always with me,
in everything..


Everything.


that is all? i hope not :)