you're a strong beautiful.

it's a great romance.

I woke up feeling happy today
I think it was because of something I thought:
“It makes you happy when you know someone loves you”
And that person was God.
I’ve been reading this book, and it was talking about how God wants us.
Like, he actually desires us, YEARNS for us and chases after us.
He is a jealous God after all.
But it’s not the type of jealous we think of. It’s different.

He wants us to want him.
Because he wants us.

Christianity changes dramatically when we discover that it too,
apart from life itself, is a GREAT ROMANCE.
What a thought to ponder:
God yearns to share a life of beauty, intimacy and adventure with us.
Ever thought those kinds of words were related to God?
Maybe you’ve been looking at it differently.
That’s how I see it.
Relationship.
That’s what he wants, and that’s what we want.

This is why we’re alive.

Nonetheless

It’s so much easier telling someone else that it’s going to be okay.
You feel more significant somehow, helping someone else out.
But then it’s impossible trying to figure yourself out
Telling yourself that it’s all going to be alright, that’s just too hard.
Others believe in you
Others care about you
But we find it hard to be kind to ourselves
To think we’re worth time or effort to have love put into our lives
To think our own lives are going to be okay. We just don’t see it…

But this isn’t impossible for anyone.
Not even you.
We all make it, all of us.

Under class.

I feel they’re superior
That I’m not good enough to hang out with them
It’s not me seeing them as snobs or anything like that
That’s not what I’m saying
I’m saying that they are such incredible bursts of light
And I feel less than that when I try talking to them or being around them
Like I shouldn’t be there
Like I’m worthless
I can’t be their friends; I’m not good enough to be.
Why would they want to be my friend anyway?
But they came up to me
Looked me straight in the eyes and said,
You’re awesome. You’re awesome. You’re awesome.
They notice after all
I didn’t know
I’m worth being called friend?

Open.

The door hinges
Open open
Your heart leaks
Into the sky
Into a life
Open it again and again
You’ll discover its okay
People like you coming in
This was what life was meant to be about

run through the pain

this hurts.
like its all emotion and spiritual battle
but i feel pain, actual hurt.
why am i still hanging on?
because i know it's worth it? somehow.
i know
i feel like i'm going to die. either that, or go insane.
but i'm still here. i'm alive.
and i don't think i'm going anywhere.
somehow i know it and i'm firm in this, that...
it's always worth sticking around, even when everyone runs away

i'm here. and he's never left.
and that's all that matters

BFF.

I have a friend who doesn’t have any best friends. She just doesn’t have them because; she doesn’t get what distinguishes a friend from a best friend. I don’t get it either. Maybe it’s something we’ve just made up, but it’s become so superficial and a load of crap. Because things change and best friends become enemies, strangers become your best friends etc.
So what is a best friend? I’m not sure I even know. I mean, what’s the difference between telling a friend some personal information about you and telling a best friend the same thing?
I don’t know…I’m not sure I really care. Me and people, it’s been weird lately. I’m isolated yet open at the same time. I don’t want to reach out. But I want to so much. I like my own company. sometimes i prefer hiding under my covers and cancelling a hang out with someone rather than pretending i'm happy and smile. I don’t like crowds and get togethers. but hiding away; i guess you can miss some good opportunites by doing that. above all, I still love being with the people I love and adore, probably more than they know...and maybe I just gotta get over myself. I hate being so self indulgent.

real.

I WANT TO BE ALIVE.

Realise

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
- Marianne Williamson

if only we realised our true potential
how different this world could be
how different we would be
and the people around us
because we impact
we influence
we make change
we don't realise that sometimes.

people believe they're useless
worthless and so there's no point in trying anymore
because "you're ugly and no one likes you anyway"
you wanna know what i think?
i think thats a load of bollocks.

its not fashionable to believe in God
in fact, some people get their body parts ripped off for believing in that sorta 'rubbish'
but there are people who stand up with smiles on there faces
rain, sun, mountain or traffic
and some of them are the people around you, who are just like you.

but this is the difference...
wether you realise you have incredible potential,
or sit under the covers in despair.

but the fact that its there
that you are here
and you can contribute to this beautiful and messed up world,
is real.

you're worth more than you realise.

silently screaming

We all eventually silently scream
In a crowd
All alone
With a group of friends
With family
On your own
At some meeting
At a show
In class
Or in your car

But this isn’t over
This can’t be all there is
This can’t be it.

We’re all silently screaming
Out for more
Crying for help
Wanting more
Needing someone
Begging for a release
Agitating for an outlet

Just let go…

You are not mute

if only i could just say it

i want to tell you everything.
everything.
the words i wanna say
the sentences i want to make
that would explain everything
that would make you understand
that would make everything clear
and make the dirt look like such a small pile
compared to the beauty in this situation
i want to say it all
i want to say so much
about so many things
i want to so much
its such a yearning
like an urgency
but i'm held back
by what?
...i want to tell you everything.
everything.

enough

give me peace of mind!
tell me what i need to do...
?we#kmf*dwe&o@fiw!
gah.
i need peace.

where am i

i've lost who i was.
the great part.
that's what i'm thinking.
and i can't get it back.
it's gone.
and that's tearing me up inside.

Down

so many times i see planes flying by my window, or when i'm in the car.
through clouds and clouds and clouds.
i see them shine for a second as the sun reflects off of them.
and i wish a lot so much sometimes,
that i were the one flying through the clouds.
i want so much to fly...i don't wanna be down anymore.

welcome?

so this is my first post. i dont really know who i'm writing this to. i dont plan on letting any of my friends or family know i've re-started my blog and i plan on keeping it this time. i used to have a blog last year, then i made some new friends this year and they all have one they use to vent out their lives and problems and worries and thoughts. i thought i might start mine again to do the same, but i don't want to let anyone know. i just want to word vomit on cyberspace. like my journal on the net i suppose. i don't really know...well, welcome. why did i say welcome...?