I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW MANY MORE TIMES I CAN BE HIT HARD LIKE THIS..

"Babe?"

*didn't text back*

...what if you knew that some of the things you said to me make me cringe?

dance is all about doing it like nobody's watching :)

left unsaid

there are some things that...they just have to be left unspoken.

Bon Iver <3

"That secret that we know
That we don't know how to tell
I'm in love with your honor
I'm in love with your cheeks
What's that noise up the stairs babe?
Is that Christmas morning creaks?

And I said I know it well
I know it well ... "

love love love

they're either gonna think i'm crazy, or not.
either way, God still did what he did, which was a miracle. a ton of them.

CHERRIE

do i look gay?
do i look like a christian?
do i look nineteen?
what do i believe?
what do i hate?
what do i love?
melting frustration - i wish that were so.
but its not.
and maybe this has been here all along.
remaining...
it's just not always on the surface in front of things,
in front of my eyes being my focus..i dont know.
do i want to 'fix' this...?
i have no clue anymore

will it ever stop being so tiring to keep fighting?
i feel i weaken when i survive, even though i should be stronger.
i feel although i push through, i'm still just aching to survive for others
not myself anymore.
i'm surviving for others
i guess that's why it can feel so heavy
because i don't actually want to live anymore

I discovered something about myself today…I guess I knew it all along, but this just confirmed it. Ugh…you guys disgust me. I’m sorry. Can I help it? It’s not your fault I suppose.

God...

Harmony O'Dwyer <3

i just want you to know...i love you.
i actually really do.
i know, i say these sorta things alot
but besides that letter, we havent conversed properly in ages.
and just so you know...i know you love me too
thankyou :)
you're brilliant.
seriously. i hope you know how brilliant i really think you are
it's sooo much i can't even articulate it!

with an abundance of love,
from Han

ps. welcome to my blog!
xxx

Hmm...

not now...not yet...not ever?

TOMORROW <3

YOU'RE ALMOST HERE!
I HOPE YOU GET ALL MY VOICEMAILS
LOL..YEAH, ALLLLLL OF THEM. BAHA
I LOVE YOU.

Hm..i wonder, you'll want to read every single one of my posts wont you, will want to ask me about them, will want to know whats going on. everything.
i think this is the thing thats changed since you were gone - iv withdrawn.
so, in advance, im sorry if i dont let you in so much. my shell's gone back on.

but i just cant wait to see you! ecstatic :)

3 DAYS! 3 DAYS! 3 DAYS!

Postsecret.

"I'm gay, but i've never really understood why some gay people feel so trapped and alone. But i've never officially 'come out' before. ever. i now know what it's like to feel trapped and alone. i'm caged in and i'm scared i only have one way to get out...but that can't be the solution."

JOB 3:11 -
"Why wasn't I born dead?
Why didn't I die as I came from the womb?"

Well, I did, so moreso, why didn't I stay dead?
I'm still figuring that out...

When you risk something, truly for yourself, you give the audience a chance to care. - Bronwyn Bailey-Charteris

INVEST. pt2

this is exactly what i am, a hopeful romantic.
There's a hero inside of all of us that, i think, needs to be awakened, and it's the romantic.
it's the person who believes in the greatness of others, who sees people as far more important than goals and objectives, that believes relationships are really the highest value and premium of life.
For all of us on our life journey, for us to overcome obstacles and the barricades and the difficulties that are there, for us to be able to get to where we need to go in our life, we need others there, helping us overcome the problems we cannot overcome alone, helping us face the challenges we cannot face alone.
If there's one thing that we need to do to live wide awake, to live the life we were created to live, to fulfill our intention, our destiny in life, is we need to invest.
we need to invest in others and realise that others need us to invest in them to see greatness that is waiting to be unleashed on them.
But that we need them in our lives.
All of us need each other.
If we know one thing about who we are as human beings, is that we need people.
We're created for relationship.
And i can tell you, you will never live out the greatness, the great potential that you have, the intention for your life without other people helping you get there.

Real success can't be done without people.
We need each other


[both parts extracted from a short film by erwin macmanus - from his book/dvd 'Wide Awake']

self: defeated. pt1

can you hear that? Silence.
only the sound...from my heart screaming.
can you hear that? can't make it out.
no one even really cares. so why should i even bother, either?
i mean, i'm just gonna sit here...
what?
There's something to be said for quiet.
what did you say? Aw, i just need to be alone.
Okay. alone is where i'll be if you need me.
Yeah, that's what i need.
can you hear that? not a soul.
it's peaceful here. i gotta write that down.
it's peaceful here. there.
wait a minute. where is everybody?
just what i needed. is that okay with you?
Oh, i'm fine with that.
i think i'm lost.
i'm sorry, can you repeat that?
i said, "i think i'm lost."
Just what i needed.
it's my thoughts that are screaming.
where is everybody?
But it's peaceful here.
sounds like water.
wait a minute. let me start that again.
can you hear that? Silence.
only the sound of my heart bleeding. I meant beating.
Not a soul.
let me write that down. Not a soul. There.
But alone is what i need.
i think i lost the water. it was--it was here just a second ago.
it's peaceful here. that's right.
hello? Not a soul.
alone is where i'll be if you need me.
But no one seems to need.
People must not care for a soul that's bleeding.
But i was just gone for a moment.
I mean, it's peaceful here.
That's right.
Now it's my thoughts that are screaming.
I think i lost the water.
Silence. That's not right.
but what do i hear?
People must not care for a soul that's bleeding.
Not a soul cares for me.
I think i need people.
My soul is screaming.
Can you say that again?
*phone rings* *hesitant reaction*
Hello?

People are what i need...

time fades..

Let Go

you were right you know

Life As A House

yep. tis brilliant.

George: You know the great thing, though, is that change can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant. It happened to me.

Sam: I like how it feels to not feel.
George: I know the feeling.

Sam: How do you become something you're not?
George: What do you want to become?
Sam: What I'm not.
George: What are you now?
Sam: I'm nothing.

George: I have hated this house from the moment my father put it in my name. Imagine, 29 years of hating what you're living in, hating what you *are*. This is the end of it, Sam. I'm finally building something of my own. Something I can be proud to give you.
Sam: Don't. I don't want it.
George: Fine. You can do what you want with it. All I want you to remember is that we built a house together.
Sam: You didn't build shit. You're just tearing your father down.
George: That's right. It feels good.

6 days <3
and counting..lol

this new years eve

i just want to see fireworks...

hope, hope...

yep, that's right. i laybyed a shisha today. a medium sized yellow one.
i get it late december!
which flavour shall i get first, hmm..
bubblegum?
choc mint?
i like apple :)
hm..
raspberry? blueberry?
maybe peach :P
hm, i got intrigued when i saw bubblegum at the top of the list
haha im thinking 10kg of bubblegum and 10kg of double apple
yes sirrrr. :D
i laughed at how excited i actually was lol
obsessed much? ha.

i grew up

but i'm still holding your hand

along side

i'm still alive

i survived.

i survived.

Alice.

i love you
you will come home
of course you will
that was just one friggin terrifying dream
and it upset me for a couple of days
but its fine
your coming home
you are
of course you will
you will come home

and i cant wait!
i love you
:)

stop comparing yourself to others
everyone does it
but we all just fall down because of it
it tears us apart and weighs us down
doing nothing but that.

we all feel insignificant
but thats the thing...
we're not.

we're not.

Always by Switchfoot

This is the start
This is your heart
This is the day you were born
This is the sun
These are your lungs
This is the day you were born

And I am always yours

These are the scars
Deep in your heart
This is the place you were born
This is the hole
Where most of your soul
Comes ripping out
From the places you’ve been torn

And it is always yours
But I am always yours

Hallelujah!
I’m caving in
Hallelujah!
I’m in love again
Hallelujah!
I’m a wretched man
Hallelujah!
Every breath is a second chance

And it is always yours
And I am always yours

i had to go to word today to get a book i had ordered, but then i checked out the
music section, as i pretty much always do lol and i discovered that switchfoot have a new album out, and pretty much instantly i fell in love with it, and this song in
particular hit me. man..the lyrics the lyrics the lyrics! and the musical arrangement too.
i absolutely love it all.
love it.
i love you Jesus.

it's time to remember.
it's time to recall.
IT IS TIME TO REMEMBER!

you are able to get up again
that's your right...

The space in between.

it's about when i don't text you.
when we're not talking on the phone.
it's about the time when i'm offline.

that space in between
it's about that.

I fall apart without you.

i may sometimes think i'm going crazy,
but when i focus on Jesus,
everything seems okay.
because it is,
even when it's not.

HAPPINESS UNDREAMED OF...

it will come. one day.
that's my hope.

tomorrow can be better
because tomorrow is a new day

S I C K .

i actually hate feeling like this, i do.

Chillax

Disorientated.

frig...
what am i doing
i ran into you
mushroom
i talked to you
shisha
we chatted
its happening soon
the train
ugh
what am i doing
i dont know
where am i going
i dont know
what am i talking about
i dont know
who am i?
...

Sarah Boyd <3

where have you been all my life!
be my friend again! hehe :)
i miss your pretty face
i miss us chilling
we need to hang out and do something
i miss you, you crazy cat
i love you x

And of course he has to be a romantic.
tehehe

i would love for him to be a thinker. a daydreamer. you know, like a visionary. someone who inspires and lifts people up, it's everywhere he walks.

New Years Eve.

i have no clue what i'm doing
if you want to hang with me, let me know
i've stopped chasing after people
if they want to talk to me and catch up
they can let me know for a change
okay i just sounded like a total bitch, sorry.
but yeah, i do know though, that i want to see fireworks
it was the best last year, maybe i'll do the same as last year
just dawdle around the city with quinton and crash at his place
we played video games the next day, chilled at the skate park
had kfc, i borrowed some of his cd's then went home
it was pretty rad.
but yeah, again...let's do something different, somebody.
whatevs...ha.
shisha sounds good
crank the music
but really, i just want to see fireworks.

13 days…finally, you will be home.
And my world will be that little bit brighter
“significant existence” <3

Give when you’re broken
Give when you’re loved
Give when you’re happy and when you’re alone
It’s gonna be alright, it’ll turn out okay
Just do what you know what to do
Give and give and give

and he has to be cheeky
tehehe.

i wanna be pretty.
like, you know, pretty.

Salient.

I hug her, so tightly. Then stepping back, but my hands resting on her shoulders, pressing her, in a way that says, “listen to what I’m about to say”…look directly into her eyes, and say, “you are beautiful.”

That beauty doesn’t sweep away. Whether you feel it or not, it will always remain.
“You are beautiful.”

When you’re crying, when you’re dying.
When you’re running, when you’re hiding
When you’re smiling, when you’re lying
When you’re walking, when you’re in foetal position
When you’re typing away, when you’re thinking
When you’re looking in that mirror, when you’re in the shower.

Because no matter what…mm,
You’re still beautiful.
don't make anyone, especially yourself make you think otherwise.
you're not below anyone
and you are NOT worthless.
you are definitely not worthless.

you are still beautiful.
Because love is real, grace is true.
Everything…you are beautiful.

i wonder when he will come into my life
tehehe.

brick wall

“Hey”
“hey”
*hug* *smile*
“how Are you?”
“Good.”
“How are you?”
“yeah, good.”
“that’s good.”
…………………
“how’s your week been?”
“yeah, not bad, haven’t done much.”
…………………
“how bout you?”
“mm, worked, not much.”
“Mm, okay.”
…………………
(God this is killing me…)
“well, I gotta go.”
“yeah, okay.”
*hug* “have a good week”
*smile* “yeah you too.”
“cya.”
“bye.”
…………………
(Will we ever move on from this?)

lonely cellular